Freedom. A word used often. A word used in different concepts. What does it mean to be free? Free from what? Can I say that I am free? Can you say that you are free? Freedom of choice. How important is it to us?
I say very. I once read that the most important thing for a person is to feel free. To feel that they have freedom of choice. Very few people who go about changing their lives let themselves experience the notion of choice. Instead they think that to be successful they need to put boundaries. They need to deny the choice to some extent to follow trough whatever they have put their minds to. They are afraid that if they let themselves that freedom to do whatever they want to do, they will do it. So in order to take control they deny themselves that freedom. But how well is it working out for them?
I can't say that, but I can say how it has been working out for me. In short, it hasn't. Everything that I hold as forbidden in my mind, be it food or some action, seems just so much sweeter because it's not allowed. Everybody has heard that forbidden fruits are the sweetest. But what makes them so sweet? Not that the particular food, drinks, activities are any better than "allowed" ones, it's just in our minds the forbidden fruit sets us free. We deny something to ourselves because we think it's bad. We make some rules like ; I won't eat that cake anymore ; No more alcohol starting Monday ; Less parties, more exercise etc. We put restrains. No more, I can't, I shouldn't, this is bad, this is poison... All things we shouldn't do, and for a while we feel like we have everything under control. We have false sense of freedom. We put ourselves in cages of our minds by trying to tell ourselves that denying all these choices will make our lives better and easier.
We comply. First few days, weeks, for somebody even months, they feel great. They follow the rules, feel happy and at ease, feel relieved and successful. All looks great, right? But sooner or later compliance comes to an end and then comes the evil twin brother rebellion. Some after putting rules and denying the choice go straight into rebellion. They feel deprived, angry, depressed, can't stop thinking about the thing they shouldn't do or eat/drink, feel compulsive whenever a good excuse comes along. They say to themselves that something is bad, but straight after they want to do that "bad" thing and they add extra layer of guilt to the cocktail like it didn't already feel like shit in the first place. They feel shame that they can't follow the rules that they have imposed on themselves, and they break into the binge cycle to do the very thing that they don't want to do the most. So what went wrong?
We locked ourselves in the "cage" and thought that that's how it all worked, but in reality we denied ourselves that so important freedom of choice. We feel deprived, which then leads to feelings of stress and depression. If you think of any food/drink/activity as forbidden, you'll feel deprived whenever you deny yourself to eat/drink or do it, because on a deeper level you will feel like you are punishing yourself. So eating/drinking or doing it will feel like a freedom and a reward. Why almost all diets don't work? Because they all consist of things we can't eat and shouldn't do, and it's only a matter of time when the rebellion phase sets in and you want to eat the whole supermarket. The same works with drinking alcohol. No more starting Monday, turns into, I worked so hard all week I deserve a drink. More often drinksss... Guys, I worked really hard, I am allowed? Sounds familiar?
There was one study where people in a shopping mall were offered biscuits from a jar and asked to rate their taste on a scale from 1 to 10. The trick was that all the biscuits were exactly the same, but they scored higher when they were taken from the jar that was almost empty. They actually tasted better when they were in short supply! This doesn't mean that you should sock up with plenty of biscuits. It means it will help you a great deal to remember that there is no shortage of biscuits in your world; the scarcity exists only in your prohibitive thinking. And biscuits here can be used as a metaphor for anything we deny ourselves,be it food, drink or activity.
More we think about something in a term of I can't, I shouldn't, this is bad, more we are compelled to it. Because trough doing it we prove ourselves that we are free. Because one of the worst and scariest things for us is to have our freedom taken away. So whenever we feel like that freedom is sliding away we instinctively rebel against that it. This instinctive attraction to the forbidden adds a lot of power to our addictive desires.
The answer, which is simple but not so easy is, FREE CHOICE. It has nothing to do with willpower or you not being in control of your life, it's all much deeper. Let yourself free and learn to trust yourself. Keep repeating to yourself that you always have a freedom of choice. Don't label things as good or bad, but know that after every choice you make there are consequences that follow. Accept them and don't feel like victim, because you know that you chose to do it. Whether you think your choice was good or bad, it was still your choice, and that small shift in consciousness will start to make a big difference. Maybe at first you will do all those things that you always labeled as "bad", but what a hell, have some fun with it, and then you will show yourself that there is nothing so sweet and forbidden about these things because you can eat/drink/ do them whenever you chose to. Because once you will keep repeating to yourself that I am making that choice, and I am free to do whatever I want, those "bad" things will start loosing their appeal.
Some say that rules work for them but I say free choice is much more liberating. We set the rules because we don't trust ourselves if we could do whatever we want. But that's not right. Because we are powerful creatures and we can control our lives without denial and deprivation. I say :" Be Free and all will be well!" Lasting changes come from a loving place, from trusting yourself, not putting yourself in a mental jail and punishing for how bad you are. Because you are good! You are very good and I love you!
P.S. - Inspired from the book "Eating Less" by Gillian Riley. Let's all Thank her!
Be free,
Kris
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