How are you? I'm good thanks. How are you? Great, thanks.

More often then not we don't really talk about our emotions. For some, the reason can be shame, for some guilt, for some, the reason is not even knowing how one feels. How often do you ask yourself :" How am i feeling right now?" Try it. It's not that easy to come up with an answer. I bet it will sum up to either :" Yeah, I'm ok, I'm good." Or: "I don't know, aaa..mmm... fuck" and by then you might get a bit frustrated because you can't even answer that simple of a question. Don't worry, you are not alone. My emotional words vocabulary is nothing I can be proud of either, and asking myself that question makes me feel like I suddenly forgot any kind of word or expression for that matter and my face looks something like aaaaa... 

We are taught to be polite and always ask people how they feel, but when we ask do we really care to hear the answer or it's almost like a programmed: " How are you? I'm good, thanks. How are you? Great, thanks." And be it true or not, these kind of conversations reveal close to nothing about how we really feel. And when one actually tries honestly to answer how they feel the other one seems confused because he didn't sign up to listen to somebody's problems, he was just being polite and polite answer he was expecting was: "I'm good, thanks. How are you?" So the subject gets quickly changed. Of course not always. There are a lot of people around us we care about and listen to them with an open heart, but this article is not about that. 

I once tried a little experiment where I promised myself to not start any pointless conversations and if I got sucked into one, come up with an escape plan and politely excuse myself. By pointless conversations I mean stuff we talk about with people when the silence is uncomfortable. Try sometimes to observe these little talks and they will seam funny, because you can predict the questions and the answers that follow them. One of the favourite topics is the weather. Easy, no intellect involved, you don't even need to be fully present, just do the blah, blah, blah.. Is silence really that bad? Why do we think it's better to talk nonsense then just say hi, smile at each other and then let the silence be? Actually, being silent with somebody you don't have much in common is pretty uncomfortable especially if you and that someone has to stay in the room together for a while. I am not even sure why it makes me want to become invisible and run away like:" Ah, can somebody please come and save this unbearable silence" but it does. Ok I'm exaggerating a bit but all I can say it's no fun. I've gotten much better, though still, I sometimes prefer the "How are you? I'm good, thanks" talk. It so nice outside today, right?

I went to a lecture where they talked about emotional intelligence. One thing that stuck with me the most was that emotions don't like to be revealed. They prefer to be bottled up inside because they feel its safer. They think if you reveal too much, like for example you say to somebody how you really feel about them, be it good or bad, or  you talk about your weakness, there is a risk that the other person may use it against you, make fun of you, or judge you and make you feel like you are a bad person. Who wants that? So you decide to keep it all inside. But that is not a very healthy choice, because once the emotional build up is too large, and the water is boiling over the top, the lid will explode and you and those around you will get burned. 

I don't mean you should go around running now and pouring your heart out to everybody, because that is not an answer as well. You have to learn to evaluate to who you can open up, who will listen and accept  you for who you are, but most of all you have to accept yourself. If you feel hate, if you're jealous, if you're angry, accept yourself and where you are right now. There can't be any judgment involved, because that just puts the water to boil again. You don't like other judging you, but then don't be the one who does it to yourself. That's hypocritical. I am all for equal rights. We all feel different things, there is no reason to be ashamed of our emotions, and if somebody laughs, hit them in the face. Or... Better don't   that joy is short lasting. Use it as a lesson to not open up to this person again, no reason for violence. 

I have learned to open up to my boyfriend big time. About my deepest emotions of love and even those very uncomfortable emotions where I get jealous for no reason, I say it all. And there is power in that, especially for the so called bad emotions like jealousy and blame, once you say them out loud they lose the power, because as I said in the beginning emotions don't like to be revealed. By saying them out loud you show yourself that there is no reason to be ashamed of how you feel, it's no big deal, it is just an emotion and emotions come and go. It's up to you though which emotions visit you more often and which ones stay behind the sign NOT WELCOME. But none of them are good or bad. See them as neutral and learn from them. They all have value to help us become the best version of ourselves.  

P.S.- I honestly would like to hear your thoughts and if you have been in situations like that. How did it make you feel? Thank You