We often think we know what's best for everybody. I don't think it is particularly good or bad, it's just the way it is and mostly it comes from a place of wanting the best for the other. Parents want their kids to go to the best school because in their times they have learnt that if you want to have a good life you need a good education. Good education = good job = security = good life. Does it, though? Maybe that's not what you want. Maybe you like the uncertainty and risk your life causes you to take and paper that says you finished some blah, blah school is not important to you because it doesn't say the least about who you are and what are your talents. But your parents push you to go to university because they know better, so you follow.
Its like me and my dog, who inspired me to write this article. Here, I am the parent, who knows what is best for my baby. This example might sound silly but in my opinion it's simple and profound, and it concerns every other relationship we have, be it with your mate, your friends or your coworkers. In my example it was my dog who opened my eyes, and if that's not cool then I don't know what is.
It's summer. For us humans, nice and warm, for dogs, especially with long fur, supper hot, at least that's what I assume. I see my dog lying in the shadow, breathing heavily, my thought, I should do something about it, I should help him to cool off, he will thank me for that, I know better. I get a bucket of cold water, go outside, and poor it on my dog. I am pretty sure he suppose to feel better now, though his face definitely doesn't show that. On the contrary he looks very sad and unhappy, he quickly shakes his body to get rid of access water and runs into his shack. It leaves me confused.
Now it has been couple of days since this" incident" and my dog, by the way his name is Kleo, is running away from me every time I am trying to approach him. When I poured that water on him, I really thought I was doing something to help him feel better but in return I get a scared dog. Kleo being scared of me was the least I expected to get back from this, what I thought, amazing, refreshing shower. This left me wondering, why did it happen the way it did? How can I gain back his trust? And one of my favourite questions, what can I learn from this?
At first, it will take some patience. It will take some time for Kleo to trust me again, but it will happen, I know, because dogs are pretty unconditional lovers, they forgive and forget. And then, this amazing realisation came to me, if I want to be a good parent to my kid, meaning my dog here, I have to trust he knows what's best for him. I have to trust his ability to take care of himself, and let him be. I have to trust that if he will need some help, he will come to me, otherwise just let him be, and mind my own business.
At least that's how I picture a perfect parent child relationship. Being there for them but trusting and letting them figure stuff out on their own. Not imposing their beliefs but being supportive of what their child decides to do. How often does my mom tries to do things for me, correcting me, thinking she knows better, but if she just knew that that's not helping. She unconsciously is telling me: " Kid, you are not capable to figure stuff on your own, I lived life, I know better, let me show you how." I am not saying that helping is bad, but its different when you come for help instead of you don't know what you are doing. I hope you get what i mean.
Moral of this short story is you have to let everybody be themselves. Don't assume you know what is best for everybody because when you do you are really not helping, you make the other feel like they are not capable in figure it out on their own. And nobody want to feel like that, trust me. We like to find our own answers to our challenges. We like to feel powerful and capable. And that is how I want Kleo to feel. So i chose to trust, trust in his ability to know what's best for him and just be there for him when he needs me. Otherwise let him be who he is, creating his own life experiences.
Thank You
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