Relax and Let Go

Control and planing. Good or bad? Option or necessity? Fun or boring?

I recently red an article about what the position you sleep in says about you. The tittle seemed appealing so I clicked on a link, found my position, which is on the stomach, article named it Free faller, pretty cool, huh? So I went on reading and to my surprise it was very precise. Not gonna mention everything it said but what struck me the most was one sentence and it went like this :

" They may seem free spirited most of the time, but freefaller sleepers are also secretly anxious and crave control."

Wow. I needed to stop reading after this sentence.  I never could put a finger on my personality and say I am this way, or I am that way, but this was so spot on. I like to be free, I feel free most of the time. I believe if you asked, many people would call me a free spirit. But if I am honest with myself to get that freedom I feel like I need to control it. I try to control myself into freedom. How weird is that? In my opinion control and freedom in no way go together so how could I could live by that belief anyway?

I believe to know yourself you have to ask questions. But remember, we can ask for advice to others but there is only one person that knows you the best, and you guess it right.. that's you. So I got quite and asked myself some questions. This was a moment of truth for me. I had to accept to myself that sometimes, more often then not I like? I need? I want?...to control. What exactly am I trying to control though? Why do I feel like I need to control?

First word that came to mind was Trust. If one feels a need to control, one lacks trust in the Universe. The belief that everything is in perfect order, and everything is always working out. Me? The big believer of the Universe and its laws is lacking trust? Without saying it out loud I knew the answer was yes. It was very quite and shy, but it was still a yes. 

And then I started playing my old films. My past memories. All still saved up in my mind. A bit blurry, a bit out of sync, but feelings were still there. Replaying them made me see that I came a long way. My teenage years I could literally get a gold medal at being a control freak. The profession I chose back then, modelling, wasn't helping as well. So somewhere along the way I lost the trust in Universe. I thought I know better, and if I want to get what I want I need to control what I do. So I controlled everything, my food intake, my body weight, my looks. I tried to control everything to fit in. And not just controlled everything but compared myself to everybody. But I don't like to bitch about the past and..

I don't like sad movies, so I switched it off. And maybe it is sad, but it made me into the person I am today and I am grateful for that. Every difficulty we have makes us stronger when we pass the test. I believe nobody likes to watch all happy, everybody's smiling movies. We all need a little drama in our lives and there is no good without the bad, so the same way there  is no letting go without control. 

Relaxing and letting go means trusting. Trusting in what? Trusting in power that created us, that created all the oceans and forests, sun and moon, stars and galaxies. And if that power can rise the sun every morning, and shine the stars every night, do you really doubt that it can take care of you too? Let me tell you, it can and it already does. So be easy about your life, relax a bit more, plan a bit less, drink some wine a bit more, worry a bit less, laugh a bit more and trust a great deal in this amazing Universe that loves you and wants the best for you, and always is taking care of you even if you don't see it. Relax and let go of the need to control and watch all the doors opening for you. Be a bit crazy. It's more fun that way!

Love You