I have a very good life. Amazing relationship with my boyfriend, my family, beautiful and cozy apartment, healthy body, heathy mind. Without going into details there is really nothing to complain about, and no but to follow. But.. We, humans, are interesting creatures, we often don't seem to notice how good everything is and we keep looking for better, and not to say that better is good or bad, but sometimes hunting for more doesn't necessarily mean more happiness and better life.
My hunting for more brought me to Miami. What were my motives for coming here and what were my intentions for this trip I'm still not that sure. Let's say one of the reasons was money. Now if I count the flight tickets, rent for the apartment and living here in general, then not much extra money will leave this country with me. So that reason is very unreasonable. As Latvians say: " After War, everybody's smart." Meaning once you have done it of course you know better what is working and what is not.
Then, I thought, it's sunny, and Miami has beautiful beaches. That is a good reason, I would say. Maybe yes, but doing it without people you love is not that fun anymore. Traveling by myself was very exciting as a teenager, not planing anything, not thinking trough if it's a good idea or not, just following some crazy impulses, sent by mind or heart, doesn't matter now. It was fun being a bit irresponsible. If somebody asked me about my plans, I just laughed:" What plans? I live in the moment. When tomorrow comes then I'll see what I feel like doing." I feel the idea for this trip came a from that past me, from that light headed, a bit irresponsible girl. Adventure? Something new? How exciting, right? Not so sure. As I grow and my priorities are shifting I find myself taking pleasure in different type of adventures now, ones that include the people I love, not without them. Somehow being alone somewhere doesn't excite me so much anymore.
But there is one very good reason why I'm here, and it is that everything happens for a reason. I believe I came here for a reason. To understand something for myself, to learn, to appreciate what I already have and to see things in new light. To know more specifically what makes me happy happy and what is just an illusion. I much more appreciate the simple, yet so meaningful things in life. The importance of being with a person who loves you and you love them back. The unimportance of exterior , like fancy shmancy lifestyles, striving for more and more. I fell in love even more with a simple life, and that is a big shift for me. Though Ragner, if you are reading this and I know you are, it doesn't mean I don't want my diamond ring.
I came here to prove something, to myself or others I don't know. To prove that I can take care of myself, that I am strong and I can achieve greatness. That I am not afraid to meet the new, and get out of my comfort zone. Why I thought that I can do that just here, again I don't have an answer to that. Maybe Miami just sounded impressing and cool.Yeah, its beautiful and luxurious, and I could post a lot of cool pictures, and people would think I am so lucky to live here, but more and more I notice that how your life looks on the outside says so little about how you feel on the inside. Everybody can make great pictures nowadays, put a little or big smile, and voila everybody thinks you have an amazing life. But do you? That's why I started posting less and less pictures online now. I want people to get to know me for me, with all my ups and downs, and not only know me by my oh so perfect selfies and think I don't have any problems. And not to say that those people who do post a lot of photos are bad, it's just my choice not to do so.
In my thoughts I often go back to that saying I mentioned in my previous post, that people in hell are unhappy just because they believe life in paradise is better. And yes living in Miami, or United States, might sound like a dream come true for some, I realised for myself, my paradise is at home with my husband.
Thank You
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