It happened again. Again. Again I just kind of stopped writing. I don't know how it happens. Usually, you would think if you find something you love to do you just do it, naturally. I am not so sure about it anymore. I feel when you start something new, before it gets a real momentum, you will need, at least some kind of effort, even if you love what you do. Would you agree with me? Because I've been sitting here and waiting for this, magic or bullshit, called inspiration, and now I am really not that sure that that's enough. I find myself thinking about what I want to do, then thinking some more, and before actually doing something, let me just think some more. NO! It does not work like that.
Thinking about stuff doesn't get you too far. Actually it gets you no further then your own little head, so lately I have adapted a new way of doing things and it's called "Just Fucking Do It". So often we come up with these amazing stories in our head, creative ideas to bring to life, but what happens then? More often then not, and I am talking about myself here, we don't execute them. Why? What are we afraid of? What are we waiting for? I guess if I am honest with myself I am scared to break that dreamland in my head, because reality usually has different plans for us, and we can hope and wait all we want to be perfect at something before we start, but let me tell you, that ain't happening. You can't be good at something if you never actually do it. Yeah thinking is great. Thinking generates ideas, but to bring them to life and truly enjoy their fruits we have to take action.
We were learnt to believe that failure is bad. At school we already where divided into lots of little groups, but three mains were, smart kids, ok kids ( not smart enough to be smart kids but also not stupid enough to be stupid ones), and of course stupid kids. I was an ok kid. I had an interest in some subjects, but some just seemed boring and unnecessary, though it doesn't mean that I didn't try. I have always strived to be the smart one. But that is such a bullshit approach to divide the kids by. Maybe somebody is not good at math but they are amazing at drawing, or somebody is bored at languages but loves chemistry and biology. Why should we make kids feel bad if they failed? Ok if they didn't even try and they don't really give a shit, that's a different example and maybe asks for some psychologist's help, or a good friend. But if they try to do their best, applaud them for trying and encourage them to do it again next time. If we welcome failures in our lives we learn that they are necessary for our growth. To become good at something allow yourself to fail million and one time, because every time you do it again you are, even if mili mili mili bit better, you are becoming better. The journey of life is about progress and growth not sterile perfection at everything you put your hands to. Even the destination is not that satisfying as the process of doing what you love. If you never fail it means you live in your comfort zone and you are not evolving. What a boring and safe life. If that's you, Wake Up and go fail at something, to only become better at it with time. I don't want to see you hurt, but baby it will take some tears and sweats to live a life of your dreams, and funny part that those tears and sweats are so rewarding, because they always make you a better version of yourself.
I struggle with that. The go getting. I am not perfect and I don't feel like I strive to be that unrealistic human being, and still, still I feel this blockage between my ideas and taking action. I know that it is a fear of not being good enough. But good enough for who? Good enough compared to what? What does it even mean to be good enough? Somewhere along the road I stopped believing in myself, that I can achieve greatness. Every opportunity that comes my way excites me at first, then mind starts questioning and I loose my enthusiasm. But this is not my "cry out loud" letter. I am just being honest and true to myself, not blaming, not feeling guilty of not being where I should be, because at the end of the day we all are exactly where we should be.
Somehow under all this fog, I can feel it. I feel that little flickering fire, that silent voice, that keeps repeating to me :" You are made for greatness! You can be whoever you want to if you chose to! Believe in yourself and pick up others along the way, because everybody has a right to be happy, do what they love, be who they dream. Go in the world and be the living and breathing example of this. I love you." Ok, it doesn't usually say it exactly like that, but I want to believe I can translate my soul, and if I can, that's exactly what it would say and keep on reminding me every single day I think that I am less then great.
I Love You,
Kris
Comments
Post a Comment