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| http://www.littlegatherer.com/brands-we-love/where-wild-kids-play |
I love reading. Reading in general excites me, but especially when it's about human mind, emotions, how we relate to each other and why we think the way we do. After all, I am a psychologist to be, so I believe my interests are right in place. At my spotlight now is a book " Bringing Up Children" written by the famous philosopher Osho. And yes, I am not just psychologist to be, but also a mum to be. I would suggest this book to parents, parents to be and just about anybody, who is interested in adult - child relationships, as we all have been children at one time, therefore I think everybody can learn something from reading it.
This is my first book read, written by Osho. He is such a straightforward and brilliant dude with a long white beard, almost every page in this book truly fascinates me, by its simplicity yet very profound knowledge. I couldn't not share his wisdom with you. I don't want to be so selfish and keep it to myself, because knowledge is suppose to be shared and I am certain that we should take the greatest care of our next generation, bringing up creative, critical thinking individuals, so that the evolution doesn't stop with us. I will let you read the book on your own, if you feel affected by the information I share here, but I want to point out some of the remarks that captured my attention and share them with you here.
When a child is born into this world we assume that we have so much to teach him/her. After all, they are so small and vulnerable, and we are older, therefor wiser. We know better. "Don't be scared child" - we say - "I got this". But is that so? Do we really know more then them? Yes, they don't know how to talk, walk, express their feelings and communicate with the world, in terms we understand, yet, but that does not mean, that they won't be able to learn all that by themselves. But don't get me wrong. I am not saying to leave your child to be, because they need your love, support and full attention when you are there, but the problem is, we genuinely think, that we have to interfere and teach everything. Or do we just want to feel superior and fill up our egos using these, in our minds inferior, little creatures?
Osho talks about parents being dictators to their children, and they try very hard to adjust children to their views, and that is the biggest example of slavery. If we want to be totally free we have to let this go, because if children are risen wrongly , the whole humanity will be doomed. Osho cites :" Society is taken over by fear. Society fears- if right from the start, child is not adapted to society, he can grow up to be smart, reasonable, alert, and he will go against the forced society's standards. Nobody likes rebels, everybody needs obedient humans". I consider that to be sad news. Why do we want our children to be like everybody else? Why don't we want to raise individuals? As Osho goes on to explain :" Every child is born with a huge potential and possibilities, and with your support to help him develop his individuality, our world will be wonderful, and we will have multitudinous geniuses. Geniuses are a big rarity, not because they are not born such, but because it is very tough to evade society's standards".
There is so much dogmatic ideology that we, rarely, give our children a choice. Choice of what they want to do and who they want to believe in. We strictly hold onto the belief that the way we live, is the best and, sometimes, the only way. I don't judge you for that, but please stop it. That belief is neither serving you, nor your child, or for that matter anybody else around you. If you believe in Christ, go to church, and that makes your life more meaningful and harmonious, so be it. If your Buddhist and do all the Buddhist stuff, again, go on. But in no way can you push that same belief on your child and hope that he will feel exactly the same, and if he doesn't, you are feeling sad, because somewhere in your educating him, you went wrong. No, applauses to you, you raises a critical thinking individual. Be proud of that. Let him be religious or not, it all doesn't matter. You can introduce him to religion, but let him also be old enough to make that choice. Better teach him spirituality, the power of nature, the power of ones thought, the power of love. Be happy that your child is wondering and asking questions, and not blindly following your views and philosophy. What matters, is your pure love and compassion, and you can be sure your child will do just fine. Don't raise him to be like you. Love him enough, to let him be better, smarter and more evolved.
Osho talks a lot about dignity. But dignity from parent to children, because when we think about dignity, the only way we think it has to go, is from children to parents. Children have to respect the older, but parents are allowed to shout and disrespect their offsprings. What logic is there? Just because somebody is younger we think they have to obey? The younger they are the closer to purity they are, therefore I think we got to respect that. They can teach us a lot. We got to lower our feeling of superiority, and understand that children can teach us a lot about this life. Throw out all that " I know everything, they are just children, I have university degrees etc." bullshit and open up to receive much more valuable lessons of life. Lessons of how to be pure, joyful, loving and playful. If you don't think that trumps all your masters and PhDs than maybe you are just a snob and there is no way out for you.
For child's development Osho reveals life cycle of seven years. He declares that first seven years in ones life are the most important, because in those years you form the foundation for life. That is why all religions try to swoop young children as soon as possible. These seven years are used to get child adjusted and bulged with different ideas, which will be almost impossible to let go in later years. Those ideas can corrupt him and wont let him see things clearly. His mind gets clouded and his eyes get covered with thick layer of dust. But you can change that. Osho advises that, if you want to show love to your child and let him be the chaste being he was born to be, don't restrict him. Allow him to be untied to anything, and don't convert him to any religion.
Cultivate your child to be brave. Don't teach him to be scared from the dark, scared of failing, or scared from the unknown. Give him the supporting hand when he goes into the unknown. Of course it is scary for parents to let their kids be and let them explore the unknown horizons, but unknown doesn't mean dark and scary, it only means, opportunity. Parents have to learn to be brave and trusting if they want their child to obtain these qualities. Because if you worry to much your child will feel that, and that is not helping him at all.
It is not your job to make anybody happy. By focusing to much on trying to make your children happy, you can make them unhappy, because happiness is not something that can be given. The only think you can do Osho says, is to create a situation, where happiness can flourish. Often I hear parents complaining that they don't have any life, that they sacrificed everything for their children, and now children are not even thankful, they just go on with their lives. Good for them. You don't need to scarifies anything. All religions talk about sacrifice as an act of love, but I so disagree with that statement. Love is pure and positive energy, sacrifices embeds feelings of victimhood, and that is nowhere close to love.
I will repeat myself, support your children, love them, but also remember to send some love and understanding your way. Don't be hard on yourself if your children do something you don't like and it makes you sad, you did nothing wrong, they are just exploring and learning, making their own mistakes. Only by your pure understanding, acceptance and respect you can teach them to grow up as incredible individuals. Let your children be wild, free and different. A bit of a human and a bit of an animal. Let them roar and run, like nothing else matters. Let them get dirty and play in the rain. Let them have some much needed fun, and by that, make a better world for them and for us.
Love to all,
Kris
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