Friday, almost 11am, in the background some peaceful jazz music is playing and I am thinking it has been a while I wrote something. This time words are not coming easily to me and I am not sure what I want to talk about but I still, want to scribble some thoughts on this piece of paper.
What have I been thinking lately? I have been giving much thought to mindful living. I am reading a book about mindfulness and psychotherapy and it makes me realise that practising daily mindfulness doesn't just help you as a human being but as a professional in my career as well. One thing is to learn techniques how to help your patients, the other thing, that they don't teach you in university, is how to be mindful, by giving your full, undivided attention, empathy and loving kindness to your patients. And I believe for successful session it is really important. I heard once that the best gift you can give someone is your undivided attention and I have to agree with that. When you feel a person next to you really engaged in what you are saying, without judgment, much comments or advises you really feel heard and understood. But it definitely takes practise, as my mind wanders like a crazy dog when I am listening, and there is always some advice following up, sometimes even interrupting the person talking. It takes time to understand that what I have to say is not always that alarmingly important and if I forget what I wanted to say, no big deal.
Mindfulness is a very fascinating practise. It is kind of like not doing much at all but at the same time doing a lot because you are being alert about everything that is happening around you. It is kind of effortless but then again if you are not use to being mindful in your everyday life you will notice how often your mind wonders, you words come out, your actions take place without you noticing. You notice how often you are not present in your life and therefore not experiencing your life to the fullest. Just one steady autopilot. I am no expert to talk about mindfulness but then again I can share my insights and experiences. We can make every action more enjoyable if we give it our full attention. I've been practising having my meals without TV on. It is easily done in the morning but I think it's because I am used to not watch TV in the mornings, but when it comes to lunch or dinner I do eat in front of TV and I realise that my attention is split in that moment. What I can congratulate myself on is that at least I am aware of the choice that I make and it is really interesting to notice how uncomfortable it is to just sit and eat. The urge to turn on the TV, take your phone or read something is pretty big. So at the beginning it takes a lot of effort for me. Though I try not to force it. I am trying to be patient with myself.
I realised that my brain is so used to a lot of stimulation that doing one thing at the time takes great effort. Not always but mostly. And again I am happy I have been noticing it. Because as I understand mindfulness it is not about changing or controlling your behaviour, it's about noticing it with full acceptance without attaching any judgement. Like " Ah, I should be much better at this.. I should do it differently.. I suck.. I am no good." If you take an action that you think don't serve you just try to register it from a place of interest "Interesting that I chose to do this thing I think is not good for me. Ok, lets see where it takes me. I guess there is some purpose why I want to do it. Lets try to enjoy it and see if it is something I really enjoy or I have been lying to myself. I accept myself for making this choice and it is ok. " It is too easy to judge oneself but it genuinely has no benefit, so better stop doing it. At least for me when I judge myself not once it made me in a better person or prepared me for my next action to be more productive. Exactly the opposite. Judgment takes away my energy and makes me feel worse.
Once you start paying more attention to your thoughts and actions it becomes really fascinating. Slowly but surely you can start to understand that you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts not always resemble your reality. Your thoughts don't define who you are. You can start to clear out your mind. You can start to detach yourself and stop making big drama about every tiniest shit that happens. You can become lighter. But it is a life long process so I try not to cling to any outcomes and whenever I remember I bring my attention back to the present moment with as much acceptance as I can generate at that time. That indeed is all I can do.
Current mood : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv2GgV34qIg
Love,
Kris
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