5pm. Home, in bed. In the background - music, peaceful ocean waves with some magical, something like from cosmos, sounds. Dark, almost pitch black sky and lots of lighten up windows from the neighbouring block houses. Crisp air gently flowing in trough my window. It is that time of the year. That peaceful, calm, a bit melancholic time of the year. Sweaters and socks, candles and fireplaces, snuggles and bubbles, books and some good music.
Usually, to write, I like to be by myself, home alone or some coffee shop. But as I am a mother now, home alone is not really an option so, if I want to write, and I do, I have to make it work anyway. Not to be interrupted the only times to write are evenings now. I caught myself making excuses that evenings are not as inspirational and full of energy as mornings. But then I realised, if I am going to wait for that perfect moment I might never start writing. That is why I made the decision to make my evenings inspirational. I made the decision to create the moments not wait for them to magically appear at my doorstep. Because later, often times stays later.
We, and by we I mean our little family, start our days pretty, pretty early. Like so early that it is still dark for 4 hours after some of us wake up. To be more precise thats 4 or 5 am. That, in fact, I heard somewhere, is a very inspirational time haha. I guess the energy is very clean as everybody is still sleeping and there is no bullshit in the air. But who knows, my guess might be wrong. Anyways, I wouldn't say I feel that inspired at that time, more like still sleepy and of course happy to see this smiling, little creature ready to start the day, though I wouldn't mind that creature spending few more hours in her dreamland. Nonetheless, I make sure to start my day with some cool ideas.
This morning I chose to listen to the TED talk about Power of Habit and this guy, named Charles Duhigg, who also wrote the book called "Power of Habit" talked about how we are formed from our habits and most of our day is formed from habits not conscious decisions. Crazy, huh? We think every day we make these smart decisions and we are somewhat original but in fact, turns out that all we are, are these habitual machines, driving through our day with not much critical thinking, just programmed actions, repeated data. In and out, in and out...
I started to think about my habits. Good and bad ones, and tried to see this habitual patter of cues and rewards. That is the system that drives our habits. There is a cue, like time, place, feeling, a person, and there is a reward "When I feel like this, I do this; When I go there, I do/ eat this and this etc. But what got me thinking the most was the famous Marshmallow Experiment. For those of you who don't know what is the Marshmallow Experiment it goes something like that - They, the experiment people, took bunch of 4 year olds and put in front of them a marshmallow and said :" I give you this marshmallow and you can eat it now if you want, or if you wait a bit, and chose not to eat it, I will give you a second marshmallow when I come back."
So this Charles dude said that putting a marshmallow in front of the 4 year old is like putting a crack cocaine in front of somebody who really likes crack cocaine. I guess 4 year olds were going kind of loco. And he showed a short footage of the experiment. Funny, to say the least. The kids were sniffing the marshmallow, licking it. Some were bitting off small pieces hoping nobody would notice. They were truly struggling. Anyways, after what seemed like a lifetime for them only 1 out of 3 made it trough without swallowing that white sugary nonsense (p.s. - I don't think you can even call it food). Those who waited got the second serving and happily swallowed them both at the same time.
Some kids could wait some couldn't. What makes the difference? I don't know but I really would love to find out. Parenting skills from an early childhood? I guess, right? Because if they are 4 year olds they don't have any crazy life experience to base this on. This phenomenon, where we don't want to wait to get a bigger and better reward later but want things to happen now is called Instant Gratification. Why did I bring this all up is because I am a victim of Instant Gratification. I really want things to happen now and fast. It might not seem like a problem but it is when in reality things don't usually happen that way, all the best, now and fast.
This made me realise, that even if I am a grown women, a mother and a wife, somewhere inside me still lives this little girl that wants things to happen now. Now or never. She tries new things and gives them, I would say, no longer then a week and then comes to a conclusion :"This shit doesn't work." This little girl doesn't like to sit with her feelings, she reaches for cake and chocolate. This little girl doesn't stick with things if she doesn't see results like yesterday. This little girl want all the pretty, shiny things, and she want them now. She is not big on efforting. She is not friends with Mr. Struggle and Mr. Hard Work. She prefers Ms. Easy and Ms. Do Things Only When You Feel Like. And we all know that if we do things only when we feel like that would be like, not all that often.
I am this little girl and that is ok. It is ok to be a princess once in a while. But it is not ok to let her run the show. Somehow I wasn't taught that things take time and I don't blame anybody for that but it is my responsibility to take care of that little girl now. To teach her that everything needs time to gestate. A great example is caring a child. Even if you are excited to meet your baby you really don't want her/him to come faster then those 9 months. You understand that that is how nature works and you respect that. You don't want to rush the nature. But same laws apply to life itself. Things take time, and sometimes to get better things we have to wait longer, and sometimes we have to say no to things we might really want.
I will have to work on that. I noticed I can have trouble with this around my body. I will exercise but then I also want the cake, and it is difficult for me to accept that to see the results I might, sometimes, need to say no to the cake and chips. Not getting that instant gratification that food brings me can be challenging. Another challenge is around money and learning how to save. I see something and I want to buy it. I want the hit of instant gratification. But I am getting better. I can feel it. The instant gratification junkie is fading in the dark and I am ready to say bye bye to that individual. But only way to change yourself for better id to accept yourself fully. Accept that little girl in me and send some love her way. I know she doesn't want to hurt me she just doesn't know better.
So if your having some troubles with saying NO to things, don't get mad at yourself and in no way think that you are weak. You are not. It's just your little child talking to you in the only way he/she knows now. Crying for some love and attention. Give it to her. Give it to him. Give it to yourself, cause little party never killed nobody. Little love goes a long way.
XOXO My Marshmallows,
Kris
Comments
Post a Comment