Can I Just Be Me?

I often try to ask myself what is my purpose on this earth. Sometimes I'm ok without knowing the answer, but sometimes I feel unease about not knowing exactly what it is I should be doing. I get this split feeling between should I be patient and everything will just fall into place, or should I go hard at it and look behind every door, if its the right one. And how the hell I'm suppose to know which on is the right one? And is there even one right door?

Am I here to do something great or am I already doing great by just being here and being me? Why it never seems enough to just be me? Why do I get this feeling that I need to prove my worth, that I need to do some big stuff, otherwise my life will be wasted, and God will be very pissed off that he created another useless human being. Ok I definitely wouldn't go so far to call myself useless, but there are so many amazing human beings that have done such great things. Should we all strive to be like them? Who are they and where do they get the strength to be so great? Are they the only ones who can, on their death beds, say :" I am proud of my life. I've done good. I can leave in peace." Does God have favourites? Do we all have the same possibilities?

Do I need to look a certain way for you to accept me? Do you love me more when I'm skinny or you don't care if I have some fat around my waste? Do you need me to earn some money? Do you care if I am an environmentalist or I use shit loads of plastic and don't sort out my garbage? Do you care if I use alcohol or drugs? Do you care if I have problems or you need me to be perfect to love me, even if you say you don't? I don't know what is your answer but I know one, we all are conditional lovers. I am. I love whats easy to love, and struggle to accept the ugly parts, the demons.

Is it ok to strive for simple life or we all should try to do our best? But what does it mean to do our best? Is it the best to have an amazing job that is of service to others and feeds your soul? Is it the best to go off to explore the world and be one with nature? Is it the best to just create a family and be a stay at home mom/dad giving your all to children and your husband/wife? Is it the best to strive to be supper healthy and live green? Is it the balance of everything? Can I just be? Is it enough to just be? Can it be enough if I am just me and that's all there is?

Love,
Kris