Rainy Friday morning. I'm sitting in a worm and cozy cafe in Old town Riga. They just brought me my delicious and fluffy cappuccino and almond croissant. This cafe is connected to a hotel and I can see some people having breakfast which kind of makes me feel like I'm somewhere else, traveling as well. Though now travel will have to wait for at least two years. But I'm ok with that. Our daughter makes it so worth the wait.
And it is not like I am waiting till I will be able to travel. That time will come and I am not in a rush. I feel like we are always waiting for something. Always rushing to get somewhere. What are we waiting for? Where are we running? Why are we feeding into the illusion that when something we want will happen our level of life will dramatically rise. Is it true? Haven't you proven yourself that it doesn't work like that? When you actually get what you wanted there is already the next thing waiting around the corner to pop it's head and make you chase it. Like, just accept that it is never going to be perfect, you will always want something. But isn't it ok? Isn't it what life is about? Dreaming, anticipating, taking action, realising it and then doing it all over again till you die?
For example I think its going to be so fucking cool to be a great psychologist, have my own office space where people can come to me and tell me about their life's troubles. And me being able to help them by making their life a bit, or much better. That idea really drives me. But I don't want to rush trough those 5 years of university just to get to that vision. I don't want my next five years go unnoticed just because this dream is so sweet. I would miss so much. I make it my mission to enjoy the ride to paradise as well. If I rush to the next trip, summer, job, kids growing up, us living in a house... What am I actually rushing towards?
I am rushing towards death. Plain and true. Why would I want to die faster? I think death will come soon enough. There is no need to sprint towards it. We are so dumb in a way. Most of us are scared to die but then most of us don't enjoy the everyday life at all and we want to forward the events we find boring and unpleasant. But they are a part of life as well. Every Monday that you wish for Friday to come faster you are stealing yourself those magical 4 days you could enjoy.
I know what many of you think right away that they don't enjoy their workplace and stuff they do, and yes not always you have 100 choices to chose from. I still believe that you can take more responsibility to live the life you want. If you feel like you can't influence the real world for now try to learn how to make it more enjoyable with your attitude. For example after school you got to go to work but you hate the job and you say to yourself and others that you don't have a choice. I say you actually do. I am not saying your choice is to not work, but you could not work. Then of course there are consequences. If you don't work, you can't pay for your apartment or your school, so you might need to live on the street, but then you wouldn't need to work. Your choice. Then the choice not to work loses it's appeal, because you much rather work and have a home then have nothing to do all day, no responsibilities and live in a park. But who knows maybe that is what you want. I am just saying that sometimes with our attitude we make things look much worse then they are.
Did you get me? When I say we have a choice, maybe it is not the best choice we would like, but it is the best we can make now. If you go to work and think how independent you are, that by doing this you can provide for your future, warm and cozy apartment, you can feed yourself. That should feel good. And remind yourself that it is just temporary. It is just a period of your life. But try not to rush trough it. Because better job opportunities won't come without stress. Drop that illusion that getting something you want or think is better will wash all your problems away. It is bullshit. And earlier you realise it and become a bit more honest with yourself, earlier you will be able to start enjoying your everyday. Because where are you rushing to? Let's not be one of those old people who regret that they didn't enjoy their lives more, didn't learn to see beauty in small things and most of all didn't stop to smell those beautiful flowers.
Current mood - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w
Love,
Kris
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