What is willpower? It is our ability to control our impulses which can be triggered by the outside world or our inner world, like our thoughts and emotions. To better understand how willpower works, it is helpful to use the analogy of a muscle. You can train your willpower just as you do your muscles in the gym. A muscle can get exhausted from working out and flexing, so does willpower.
Few concepts of what willpower is :
- Your ability to delay gratification, therefore keeping focus on your long term goals. Resisting that delicious cake because you want to be healthy and/or loose weight.
- Your ability to chose a more positive mindset over the one that is not serving you. Using your willpower doesn't only mean saying "No" to things that don't serve you, but also saying "Yes" to things that serve you.
- It is your own regulation done by you. It is your choice.
But knowing that something is good for you isn't always enough, isn't it? We all know what we are supposed to do, but only few start and stay consistent. Ok, a lot of us actually start, try out, but lack the consistency part which is crucial, if we want to see the results. Why is it so difficult to resist temptations? Why is it so difficult to say "No" or "Yes" when needed? Why, when we see that chocolate cake, eating it, seems much more important then our goal to look fit and sexy?
Craving happen on physiological level, so it is not only in our heads, it's a whole list of chemical reactions that make that temptation sometimes unbearable and us, unable to resist. When you are tempted, your brain releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine, also known as a pleasure hormone. When you want something your brain associates it with a reward and dopamine is all about getting that reward. It almost tells you :"You must eat this cake, otherwise you will die." It makes it that important.
But dopamine doesn't work alone. It comes along with stress hormones. That's why so often you feel anxious when faced with a temptation, and just to ease that anxiety you give in. The stress you feel though is not caused by not giving or giving in but by the desire itself. Dopamine uses those stress hormones to make sure you get the reward. Stress is like a safe bet that you won't be able to resist, and dopamine often wins because we humans don't like the discomfort. We are comfort seeking creatures. Yeah, give me that cake!!
Your brain doesn't care if you are happy or not. It doesn't care about your long term goals, your potential and your deepest desires. It only registers what brings you pleasure and then goes on the hunt to give more of it to you. How nice of our brains, right? Well, maybe, but, if you actually want to achieve greatness in your life and see how far you can go, brain is not your best friend. You can make it such but it will take time and work. At first, it won't come naturally but if you learn to stay consistent and persist you will show that brain of yours that you mean business.
Brain doesn't like change, that's why it resist all new habits you try to implement. Change, for your brain, means potential danger. That is why you have to be the older sibling here and let your brain know that progress is what really brings you pleasure, working on self, eating healthy and working out is really, really exciting. You can trick your brain and once it falls for it, those things you want to implement in your life will become your second nature.
It is not like you will never get tempted by that famous chocolate cake I always mention, but you just won't care about it as much. You might have a piece and be relaxed about that. You won't spiral into blaming yourself and going into victimhood. You won't go into "What the Hell Effect", which simply means "I already broke my diet by eating this piece of cake, what the hell, might as well eat what I want now". I feel many people can relate to this one.
You promised yourself to have only one drink, somehow you end up having couple and then you say to yourself: "What the hell, I can't even keep up my promises. I am looser, so might as well just get drunk now". Sounds familiar? Many of us are guilty of the "What the Hell Effect" but it is a very destructive strategy to use. If you have slipped a bit, forgive yourself as fast as you can and get back on track. Self criticism won't work here, it will only make things worse.
We are all humans and our job is not to be this perfect person, with the perfect set of habits, perfect diet and perfect lifestyle. Perfection is bullshit so get it out of your head now and don't tyrannize yourself over every little pitfall. Your job is to do your best at every given situation and sometimes you slip. Don't self sabotage your result by being hard on yourself. Research has proven that, if you feel guilty about choices you made you are more likely to give in the next time and fall of the wagon big time. Show yourself some love. Love yourself to change. It might sound cheese but it's a plain and hard truth.
Yes, some constructive criticism can motivate us to improve but you know what I mean. This little devil voice in our heads that is just annoyed by everything we do. Everything is wrong, and our life is a shit show. That one, that devil one, don't listen to that motherfucker. He is an enemy to your willpower because, if you believe you can't do something, that you are not good enough, you just won't follow trough. If you don't see yourself succeed in future you will always give into immediate gratification. "Bring me some pleasure, here and now" you'll yell.
There is so much more to say about willpower but I will wrap it up. I will leave you with one small yet powerful practice you can use to deal with your willpower challenges. I like this one. It is not overwhelming so there is bigger chance you will try and actually implement it, and that is what matters. Not huge changes that we never start but small tiny ant steps that, over time, make us a better willpower builders.
When craving arrises, give yourself 10 minutes. Want to eat... you guest it..that chocolate cake, give yourself 10 minutes before you give in. Want to smoke that cigarette, drink that drink, give yourself 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes watch your thoughts. Feel your craving. Observe what is running through your mind. Only 10 minutes, after that, if you still crave it, give in, but also, mindfully. See, if that thing you think gives you that immense pleasure actually delivers that. Because often when we indulge we switch to autopilot. This practice will help you to become more mindful and get to know yourself a bit more.
Love you,
Kris
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