If you look at these two terms of course you see the difference between them. One is circumstances, one - thoughts. Easy, right? But if you dig a little bit deeper then, very often, people get them mixed up. How? They give meaning to circumstances and thus creating them into thoughts. What do I mean by that? Let's look at the difference.
Circumstances in and of themselves are neutral. They are facts with no meaning. Once you give a meaning to a fact you turn it into a thought. For example "I have a body" is a fact, "I have a fat body" is a thought. Fat body is a relative term, it's very subjective. Fat body compared to what? You probably can find somebody who is even fatter, then what? You suddenly become less fat? Any time you add a descriptive word you turn a fact into a thought. Why is this important to know?
Because many of you think that your thoughts are the ultimate truth and they are carved into stone. That's why I am here to tell you that it is not so. Thoughts are merely sentences in your head. And if they are only sentences in your head it means you can pick and chose which sentences you want to pay attention to and which ones are better to let go. Of course easier said then done but, hey, it's possible and so worth knowing. Once you know that thoughts are changeable and they are not facts it can give you some form of relieve. You can start creating your life rather then living by default.
I invite you to be a curious investigator of you thoughts, you life. Because your thoughts create your life. You might think that your circumstances create your life but no, it is the meaning you give to those circumstances, your thoughts about those circumstances, that create your life. You can look around and find bunch of proof confirming that. How come some people "have it all" and yet, seem to be so miserable? How come famous rock stars can have following of millions and be loved and appreciated by so many, overdose and kill themselves? How come some people don't seem to have a lot, yet they are always smiling and grateful for what they have?
You see, it is not your surroundings. Or to be more precise it is not your outer surroundings but your inner, that matter the most. Many don't know that and they go about life trying to change the unchangeable. Trying to control the circumstances and other people. But it's a waste of energy. You could use the same energy to focus on your thoughts. Focus on something that you have control over and once you do that you will be surprised how the world around you changes.
I don't know if you have experienced it or not but I have had some bad relationships with people and I really thought that all fault is within them. I need to change, what? I am the good one here. But then, deep inside, I knew, that no one is better or worse and this person is here for me not against me. This person is here to teach me something about myself. Show me some hidden thoughts and beliefs that have created this situation. Once I see this person as my teacher I can grow and either that relationship becomes better or that person disappears because the lesson is learned.
Me judging that relationship as good or bad is only my interpretation of the neutral situation. But I can chose an interpretation that helps me to grow and look inside, helps me to take responsibility, or I can play the blame game and stay stuck, thinking that the whole world is against me. We always have a choice. We have a choice about how we chose to look at things. If we chose to take them personally or see them as neutral. For example your boyfriend didn't call you. Ok, that's a fact, he didn't call. What you decide to think about that will be up to you. You can chose to think "What an ass, he doesn't care about me. He said he would call. Fuck, he is probably with that stupid girl" or something along those lines. Or, you could chose to think "He would have called me if he could. There is a some reason I don't know now but I will wait for him to tell me."
Biggest difference between those two? First one - you drop all the responsibility about how you feel and you make your boyfriend responsible for you feeling shitty. You go on the rant with bunch of negative thoughts and come up with all the possible worst case scenarios. He comes home and you probably get into fight. Second - Maybe you have a few daunting thoughts, but you know that you are responsible for your feelings and you chose to stay calm. You know it doesn't matter what happened. You are not in control about that. You can only control your state of mind and that is what you chose to do. Your boyfriend comes home and apologised for not calling. You understand. After all we all are only humans, right?
What thoughts are you having in your daily life? How much responsibility are you taking for how you feel? How much responsibility are you taking for your own happiness? What circumstances are you choosing to blame because it is easier to do so? Investigate your thoughts. Use things that happen to you in your daily life to help you see whats going on in your mind. Because we attract what we think about. Be loving and accepting. Be supper patient. If you have thought negatively for so long don't expect yourself to change in a week. Remind yourself " It is not the circumstances but my thoughts about them that make me feel a certain way."
Love,
Kris
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