I already feel how this topic might sound controversial for some and you already have dozen situations where it really wasn't your fault and that person was the one who did that to you. But let's imagine for a moment, for the moment that you are reading this post, that I am saying the truth. Nobody can make you angry/ hurt you/ or even make you happy for that matter, but you. Same as no thing can do it.
So if nobody and no thing can make you feel a certain way then how come you still feel certain way in certain situations? It is your thoughts that dictate that. It is your thoughts about that person that make you feel angry not the person herself. Let's say you arranged to meet your friend at 3pm in the coffee shop. It's already 3.20pm and your friend still hasn't come. You have two options. One, you can start thinking that your friend has no respect for your time, she didn't even call to warn you that she will be late, how impolite of her. In short you feel betrayed, disrespected and angry. Second, you remember that you have been late before and you know that certain unexpected things can come up, she is definitely on her way. And if somehow she doesn't come, oh well you had a nice cup of coffee. You don't take it personally and therefor you feel peaceful and understanding.
Physical reality in both situations is the same. You in the coffee shop, your friend, not there. What's different here are your thoughts about the situation and the friend. You see, the friend wasn't the one that made you angry, your thoughts and your interpretation about the situation did. Same in any other situation, you can be a victim and complain, how that could have happened to you, or you can be grateful and believe that all things in life happen for you. Even the ones that you consider bad at first. Maybe loosing the job looks bad at first but then you get something even greater which would have not happened where you to stay at the old job. How you feel about this? Are you with me or are you still trying to fight for your right to blame others?
I mean don't fight me. I am in no way telling you what to believe. Because look, what this kind of thinking does to you, you know? Not much, just sets you FREE. So if freedom is not one of your core values then that's fine too. But I love freedom. Freedom to feel love and peace in every situation. Freedom of not needing others to act differently. Freedom of not needing circumstances to change for me to be happy. It doesn't not mean I stop striving for better circumstances or I hang out around negative people. It means, I take responsibility for my life and stop blaming others for how they make me feel. Because nobody can make me feel anything if I don't allow it.
What helps me to be learning to be open to others and listen without judgment is imagining that we all live our own little planets. With our belief systems, our thoughts and experiences. If I see a person as being on their own planet and seeing world though a different perspective, it helps me not to take things personally because I remind myself that what they say and do is about them, not about me. Imagining all these people on their planets, helps me to be open minded. It keeps me interested to learn about the other planets, not compare them or judge them because they are different from mine.
Why would I want everybody to think like me? I it very appealing to find a like minded person to talk about topics you enjoy, but still, even that person will have a different take on stuff and you won't agree on everything. I chose to find beauty in it. Of course it is a life long practice and I am no Buddhist monk. There are situations and people that I blame for how I feel. But knowing this, knowing that my mind has all the power over how my life feels and unfolds, it helps me. I catch myself more often and quicker when I give that power away to others by blaming them. Where is a point to sob about something you can do nothing about, like changing other people, if you can pay attention to your thoughts and make your life the most amazing ride possible. I invite you to consider this idea.
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